Woe is me.

I have never pretended to be an optimistic person, in fact I have always been maybe too honest that I am quite the opposite. Today has been utterly rubbish and I have been in a vile mood. People as a general rule grate on me, further confirmation that I should live alone in a cave, but today this has been ridiculous. Not the people I like of course, just the rest of them. After work, I came straight home with a banging headache and haven't been outside since. No gym. No run. No nothing.

On a slightly more positive note, day 2 of the detox has gone reasonably well despite my incessant hunger.

Day 2:

• Branflakes and blueberries
• Lettuce, cucumber and Quorn ham salad, a muesli bar and a mango and passion fruit jelly pot.
• Home made vegetable soup.
• 1 apple and a Highlights.

I must snap out of this self pity but right this second, my already over-sized head is throbbing and I am almost certain that it is about to spontaneously combust. When we speak tomorrow I hope to have sorted my life out and be telling you news of a successful morning run. 

Before I sign off, just a little warning to all the spiders out there. Please leave me alone. You have plagued me for weeks now. If you will continue to invade my personal space, I will continue to hit you with a shoe/hoover you up. You are not funny, you are not clever and I have no qualms in killing you. So stop it. 

Your most woeful friend.

Although not your friend, spiders. I am no friend of yours. Woeful or otherwise.

Karma is a bitch.

I am officially on a weeks detox. 

Saturday involved eating out again although there was not a burger in sight. After finally finding my niece a butterfly costume (THANK YOU H&M YOU BABE) and buying Tesco out of fairy cakes, we went to Chiquito. I had roasted vegetable enchiladas followed by stacked chocolate brownies and vanilla ice cream. It was babe. One unfortunate incident did occur whilst we were there though. I was taking my niece to the toilets and accidentally walked into the men's.. In my defence, the sign was awfully confusing, not to mention that they were written in Spanish. My niece found the whole incident hilarious, I physically had to drag her out of the men's because she was laughing so much. At least there was nobody in them. I would hate to scar her for life more than I already have..


I then proceeded to go out that evening. I swear to God, I had 2 drinks and 1 shot in pre drinks and felt so sick I had chug down glasses of water for fear of an accidental chunder. I was also hammered. I then had another drink, had my face painted, (as you do) bought another drink and stole a lone beer off a nearby table. I don't even drink beer. I think karma might have got me soon after because I was dancing away and then suddenly fell flat on my back. Both drinks went flying and covered me head to toe. COOL. I am a mess who needs not to drink, especially when wearing heels and with a phone in my hand. Actually I really need not to be drinking when in "training". That was going to be my last weekend out on the razzle but seeing as I am missing the whole of Freshers week I am going to allow myself another weekend out. That's right kids. I am going to follow a week of detoxing with a night out getting sloshed..

Last week I got a bit over excited in a sweetshop and spent five pounds on Jelly Bean Factory jelly beans. I have had the best idea for a drinking game with my ever so exciting jelly beans. Guess the jelly bean flavour. If you get it wrong, you do a shot. So simple yet so genius, don't you agree? After this weekend, I am absolutely certain that no alcohol will enter my being until after the half marathon..

So back to today. My detox has gone fairly well. I made the yummiest vegetable soup today. It had marrow, carrot, celery, onion, leek and barley in it. I am going to go soup crazy and put my food processor to good use. I quite fancy a spicy parsnip and sweet potato soup soon. Have also put The Mother on a detox too. The woman is addicted to rich tea biscuits. Some people wake up and have a cigarette, The Mother wakes up and eats two rich tea biscuits. She has been texting me all day asking what she can and cannot eat. I give her two more days before she caves..

Day 1:

• 2 apples
• Home made vegetable soup
• Bran flakes and Blueberries
• A Highlights hot chocolate.

I also just went to the gym. I wish I was brave enough to run on the tracks but you know how I feel about running around people. I am going to gym after work tomorrow and then run in the evening. I simply must get my act together. I WILL BE HENCH.

Good night,

Your very tired friend.

Burger, burgers and more burgers.

Oh please, as if the last time I blogged was the 4th August? What jokes. Since getting my blackberry, I have barely been on my laptop and because of this I am seriously slacking. In all fairness, I am massively slacking in the running department too. Well only this last week as I have been away for a bit and eaten out pretty much everyday. FATTY FATTY BOOM BOOM. Being a veggie, there is often little option other than a burger of sorts. I have eaten more burgers this week than I care to mention and I quite honestly don't want to see another soya/lentil/bean burger for a very long time. I am all burgered out.

Had a pretty good week even if two of my bestests did flee the country at the beginning of it. One for Greece and one for America. I am majorly jealous and, despite my bitterness, I wish them the best of luck.


Things I have done this week;

• Eaten lots of burgers.
• Spent some time with the fam.
• Not gone ice skating.
• Been plagued by spiders.
• Been plagued by fish.
• Climbed down a fireman's pole.
• Spent 5 pounds on jelly beans.
• Not been to the gym except for yesterday.
• Fallen in love with a seal.
• Bought a wardrobe from Argos then proceeded to stand in the car park taking the contents of the box of wardrobe apart in order to fit it in the car. 

It is Little Miss Pickleface's burfday tomorrow and for her birthday I got conned into said wardrobe. I also foolishly came up with the idea of finding her a butterfly costume for her partypartparty. Literally have had no time to get her one. Yesterday I managed to find her some God awful, over priced, pink and sparkly butterfly wings. We are going to do the food shopping for her partypartyparty later (and go out for dinner, hello calories) so I am hoping I will find something butterflyish there. 

I gave up bread yesterday. For the morning. I did have a sandwich for lunch. So all in all, I gave up bread for 6 hours. I shall re-give up bread on Monday as part of a detox to rid my body of burger juices. So many burgers. Next week I will be virtuous. I will also take my sponsor form out of the house for the first time. Next week will be a good week..

Over and out.

xx

Rain.

I am utterly convinced that the world is trying to sabotage my training. 

Yesterday I planned to go for a run. It rained. Today I am supposed to be going for a run. It is raining even more. If it was just dribbling a little, I wouldn't hesitate in going. However the rain going on right outside my window is no small pitter patter. I forgot my umbrella yesterday despite always having it in my bag. Except this one time obviously. Whilst I appreciate being rained on will not cause me to melt, it will result in severe frizzing. My hair quite literally (although not actually) takes on a new life form.

So I instead sit here listening to the rain, blogging about the running I can't do rather than the running I just did. The weather wants to get a grip by tomorrow at the very latest or some harsh words and vigorous fist shaking will ensue and nobody wants that.

In other news it is The Mother's birthday on Wednesday and she is the most difficult person to buy for in all of the land. I want to buy her some sort of clothing but she is a diddy 4 ft 10" so it is a nightmare. She always says vouchers are impersonal so I am close to ruling those out. She doesn't do "smellies" so any form of bath/shower/perfume is out. Not flowers because "flowers die". Not chocolate as she is on the world's worst diet. I am now down to a purse because she needs a new one. Or a large bag she can use when looking after my niece because she needs one. Or a picture frame. All boring and largely predictable. She is a practical woman, my mother. I would like to get her something she needs and wants but when I ask her she just says "Oh I don't know" and changes the subject. Not all too helpful.

On the other hand it is my nieces birthday coming up soon and she knows exactly what she wants. Everything. Including a Nintendo DS. How about no? What does one buy the child who has everything and is about to get a whole lot more? Please enlighten me if you hold the answer..

Fingers crossed the rain stops soon so I can get my jog on..

Take care and speak soon.

So I can't use my Blackberry..

Last night I was getting highly stressed out with my new phone. It kept flashing at me and beeping. My hands are oh so ridiculously over sized and the keypad is oh so small. It was causing great upset and I wanted to dispose of it rapidly. I have recovered from this minor blip and am now almost competent. 

Today I went for a run with my new gadget and running app. It was working for the first 9 mins 31 seconds then it just stopped. Alas, I did not realise this. In fact it took me a good 40 mins to realise. What rubbish. I don't know how far I actually went but I do know I was gone for 1 hour and 10mins. It is an improvement from before at least. After my previous post where I revealed quite publicly that I am indeed a disgusting creature, I am about to lower your opinion of me further. Today I was so sweaty that my face was stinging. Actually stinging. This is a new level even for me. I am slightly revolted by myself..

However..

I was watching Embarrassing Bodies the other night and there was a girl on there who sweats so much she has to carry and towel with her and change her top every 5 mins. I am practically normal in comparison..

Tonight I am going to steps and then the gym. I genuinely fear for my mobility tomorrow. No pain no gain?

I'll be hench mate.

Taraaaahhh.